Growing up, I was always the kid who couldn’t wait to be older. Couldn’t wait to grow up. Couldn’t wait to have a boyfriend, drive a car, get a job, and I especially could NOT wait to be a mom. I’ve always found friends in a more mature crowd, as I consider myself an “old soul,” bypassing most of the normal teenage and early twenty shenanigans (minus one crazy year in college) and have had my sights set on goals, love, and motherhood. Each birthday brought on another year of challenges that I was ready and willing to take on. But, this year, for the first time in my life, my birthday felt different. I was hesitant to move forward and found myself reflecting backward.
I am officially out of my twenties and on to my next DECADE in life.
Have I accomplished all of the things I have wanted for myself up until this point? Is my family life where I want it to be? What will the next ten years bring? And most importantly, why in the world is it bothering me?
The answer to all of the above is NOPE, heck yes, and I have NO idea, all at the same time.
I just spent 22 hours in a car driving to Disney World, which gave me some time to reflect on everything my life is, was, and will be.
Here’s what I came up with:
- Age is just a number. Cliche? YES. However, sometimes at a certain point, a cliche turns into a personal enlightenment.
- Would I love a bigger house, more money in the bank, and less fine lines around my eyes? HECK YES! But my small house is full of love and laughter, I know money cannot buy happiness (another cliche-turned-internal-light-bulb-moment), and those laugh lines are strict proof of just how darn happy I am as a product of where the last 30 years have brought me.
- Am I ready to be a mom of three? Nope. But I cannot wait for my little girl to get here and spend my thirties raising three incredible kids.
- Have I run that marathon I said I was going to complete BEFORE I had children? Big fat NOPE. However, I haven’t given up on this one and am making it a goal to at least finish a half marathon before my 31st birthday. Never give up on yourself, right?
- Am I married to the love of my life? As a woman who is seven months pregnant, has two kids, two dogs, two jobs, and an anxiety disorder, I often am ready to gut my poor husband like a fish at the end of each day. Nevertheless, I love him more than I ever have in our 10 years together and he still takes my breath away and can sweep me off my feet when I least expect it (when I’m not having a mommy meltdown, of course). I still can’t believe he puts up with me and does everything he does for our family. Lucky girl.
So, what in the world am I worried about? Absolutely nothing. Bring it on thirties, I know you’ve got some good things in store for me.
We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
– Walt Disney
This past week, I openly made a comment about having to write the number “30” on a document for the first time. Not surprisingly, I immediately received a stark “HA! Wait until that number is 43” from the woman next to me. Yes, I know thirty isn’t “old” and women all over the world are currently facing much bigger problems than the anxiety of penning a certain number on a piece of paper. The concept is ridiculous on every level, but what I take away from it is this: embracing my emotions, worries, fears, and reevaluating this sweet life that flies by way too fast is something I want to take advantage of and a trait I want to instill in my children. Fear itself is irrelevant, it’s what you do to face those fears that defines you as an individual. Although I may not be the one to navigate my children through statistical equations in life, I can exemplify what it means to navigate yourself. And I would rather them grow up to be experts at the latter.