My husband hunts…a LOT. He loves it and it’s truly his passion. Maybe hunting isn’t your husband’s thang, so as you read this post, you are welcome to substitute hunting with your husband’s hobby (golfing, working out, gaming, etc.) and its respective lingo.
I’ve learned over the last 10 years I’ve been with him that I cannot stifle his passion. I’ve realized that it’s actually beyond a simple hobby—he is a true outdoorsman. Being out in nature is how he refuels and disconnects.
But it’s hard for me as the wife. Come on now! We have a family. We have children who take every ounce of our energy. We have a mortgage and bills. His passion takes time away from our family and to be honest, is quite expensive. The resentment started to build. I don’t get weekends away from the kids. I don’t have a free budget to spend on what I want to do. Part of me was jealous that I didn’t have a hobby that I was equally passionate about.
So, what’s a wife to do? My personal philosophy is, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I started going hunting with my husband a few years ago. I’d go out, ride in the truck, sit in the blind, and just BE with him. Then, we decided to buy me my own gear. I started glassing for hogs, coyotes, and deer, eventually moving on to the actual sport of hunting (remember ladies, substitute your husband’s hobby with applicable lingo).
Do you know the connection we started building? He taught me lessons he’d learned throughout his whole life. It made me ask questions (um, hello…asking your man questions about his favorite thing—winner winner: think about asking him questions about a golf swing or a football player) and we engaged in new conversation. It made him teach me (very patiently). We ended up learning some new communication skills! He started to get more joy out of my hunting experience and was more than happy to sit on the sidelines. We spent quality time out in nature, away from our kids, just the two of us.
I’m usually the only woman when we go to our lease. There may be a few guys, but their wives never come out. My husband loves it that I can sit around the campfire, drinking a beer, and “shooting bull” with the guys! I had a wonderful compliment one day by a man we hunt with. He said that I was just as much part of the lease and team as any one of them!
Wearing camo, making an awesome putt, or getting competitive at the gym lifting weights—what can be more sexy than that?! Trying to find a common interest is key…what are some areas that could translate into hobbies for couples? This time together can also be a time you are alone. A lot of times I stay in the truck and read or nap. Stay in the golf cart with a book. Sit out a round. Enjoy him being him and you being you.
When was the last time you and your spouse took a weekend without the kids? When was the last time you sat on a patio, having a cocktail, asking your husband questions about HIS interests? We tend to talk about our lives and our kids, but I think we often forget about our husband’s interests.
Don’t get me wrong. There is still a balance and compromise that has to work for both of us. We’ve put a limit on his number of weekends away from the family and a yearly budget on his hunting passion. But, I’ve started letting go, and enjoying our special time together.
What’s your husband’s passion? How have you compromised his needs and yours? Have you ever gone and spent time alone doing what he loves? Coming from someone who almost let it ruin her marriage, try it! I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.