A year ago, I was so ready to meet you. I had dreams about how you would look, the sounds you would make, the expressions you would have. Would you favor mommy or daddy more? Would you nurse well? Would you love or hate being swaddled? Would you take a pacifier? What would soothe you best?
I dreamt. I imagined. Since the day I saw that positive pregnancy test, until the day I met you face to face, I wondered about who you would be. I yearned to know you. And then that day came. Labor began (finally) and my yearning only increased. I was about to become a mother! My pain was worth it. The trauma of my “birth plan” being thrown out the window was worth it. We had to make hard decisions through that process, and it always came back to you – getting you here safely.
With my eyes fixed on the ceiling, my entire body numb, your daddy right next to me all dressed in scrubs… you let out your first cry. I will never forget the feeling, knowing my baby had entered this world. As I cried ugly tears of joy, I felt my still huge belly shaking on the other side of the curtain. You were beautiful. I couldn’t believe it.
Titus Matthew, I thank Jesus every day for giving me the privilege of being your mommy. I am undeserving of the immensely rewarding task of mothering you. I thank Him for showing me, through you, how much I need Him. Baby boy, you are so full of joy, you love adventure, and you are completely fearless. You have reminded Mommy to smile, through your constant giggles. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you’re being silly. I don’t ever want to forget the smile on your face when I come in to get you up for the day, you are such a morning person!
You have helped Mommy to be more brave as I watch you conquer new skills every day. You remind Mommy how great your Daddy is, as he walks in the door and you make a b-line for him to scoop you up! Your very entrance into this world taught Mommy that things can change in an instant, that plans are always tentative. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Happy First Birthday, sweet boy!
Photos by Elise Hurst Photography